And yes, just like that.
And yes, just like that.
I swear, I love FRIENDS and HIMYM. But tonight, I should have not watched those specific episodes. Because all I got right now is this sad feeling. Sad feeling of not knowing where to go, and not fully knowing what I really want in life. Sad feeling of being the problem person - the kind of person people leave.
It took me two jobs, and hundreds and endless work-related stories from friends to make me realize things that I do not want. It took me heartaches before it dawned on me things that I MAY want in life. Back in high school, I thought I had it all figured out - be a journalist, and so be happy. But things don’t turn out smoothly. You realize you do not want to be a journalist. But you want to travel the world, and write creative stories. You realize you do not want what you thought you always wanted, and I am alone in the real world. The closest I can get to my friends are through social media platforms, which rarely give me real comfort.
I feel alone, because I know that I am the problem. I am independent, and I always end up hurting people; because I make them feel un-needed, and unwanted. I am afraid of getting hurt, so I don’t take big leaps of faith in relationships. I feel like I will always end up getting hurt, and abandoned, so why would I make great efforts. I am selfish and prideful. I only think of things that would keep me from getting hurt; and not think of the other. In that way, I am very much sad, and alone. And sad. And yeah.
I caught emotion hormones from watching FRIENDS and HIMYM. But I don’t regret watching; these are just realizations after the good laughs I get from watching too much series.
I love you Ma and Pa. (From yesteryears to infinity)
I have seen them go through downs, downs, downs, lows, and even the lowest. I have seen them separate. I have seen them fight. I have seen them cry. I have seen them not talking to each other.
But I also see them smile, laugh, forgive, and just love even more.
They are extremes of the extremes, but they always find ways to meet halfway. They quarrel about little things, and big things; but more often than not, they sleep in forgiveness, and sweet I love yous.
You are life’s greatest blessings, Ma and Pa. And how you are able to keep the relationship is really a miracle to witness.
May the Lord continue to shower you both with love, grace, blessings, favor, and happier days. I love you!
Faces (May 2014)
I am blessed to be given loving, warm, wonderful, and awesome family members and relatives.
Nasugbu, Batangas (May 2014)
I’ve felt this before, and it’s coming back to me now. The extreme feeling of a connection to another Person, from somewhere else. Like you know, somewhere out there, in this big world, someone is feeling a connection to you, too.
I don’t know if the other Person exists in the same time dimension, but I know the other Person and I have a connection. Like our Souls have met before - maybe in a dream, or maybe in a public transportation where we’re both busy to notice each other.
I don’t know who you are, but I feel you right now. Could you be a friend? Or the soulmate? I don’t even know if I believe in soulmates. But anyway, I would like to talk to you, even if I know that this post won’t reach you. Or you won’t even know it’s you.
I know it’s kind of weird to talk to you. I don’t even know you. But there are times that I feel you, and times that I see your silhouette. But this cloudy Sunday, you’re more alive than ever.
See, it’s already half of 2014, and life has been giving me good and bad things. I lost people, but met new people. And have lost people again. I’m getting tired of this cycle of meeting and losing. I feel that there’s so much of a problem in me that people can’t stay with me. That people can’t be in my life for so long.
I have opened my heart, kept my hopes high; just to have someone break me into little shattered pieces. I’m picking myself up, slowly. And as I pick the little pieces of me, I learn new things. But above all, with each piece that I pick, I become more cynical and skeptic.
But this could be the weirdest and most hopeful thing that I will say in a long time. Whoever you are, I am waiting for you. I would like to know why I feel so connected with you. I trust in the perfect timing of the Heaven’s above - that you will come, in due time.
And another weird thing, can we spend a night or two, just talking things and shit out, cry to ourselves; and maybe wake up the next day, and ask the Heavens for new hopes. And beginnings.
The connected Stranger
- - -
But I know that not all answers
Are meant to save and mend you
Some are meant to hurt
And I love my Red nails
Never Gonna Love Again
By Lykke Li
There are many things that have been said about you, Love.
She was born
With a horseless
Carousel on her head
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes,
They’re all I can see
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
A rough attempt to draw myself.
It’s the only day I can wake up a little after 8, and not feel the guilt and the rush of being late for work. It’s the only day I can prepare breakfast and lunch for my brother and sister and have nice conversations over our decent meals.
It’s the only day I can think about life as I stare into nothingness - with no boss to call my attention, or an officemate to call me to answer a phonecall.
It’s the only day I can take out my sketchpad and pens from my cabinet and think of things to sketch. It’s the only day I can make artworks.
It’s the only day I can stop for a while to think and write my thoughts. It’s the only day I can write for hours, and feel like I’m the writer I’ve always wanted to be.
It’s the only day that slows down my aging, and the rush of mundane days and tasks. Saturday is Free, like a Free Soul. Like a Free Kid running all day. Saturday gives me time to be myself and do things I wish I could do all day - and perhaps still get paid.
Cheers to Saturdays!
Except when work calls for an overtime on a Saturday.
Her Soul is trapped
In the mysteries of Time